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Do Your Job #PottyMouth

Monday, June 27, 2016
My people are obsessed with my potty habits. They are constantly saying, "Amelia, do you need to do your job?" Which is the polite way of saying go to the bathroom. 

When they are being patient, they take me out and say, "Okay, do your job." And when they are being impatient, they say, "Come on, take a pee," or, "I know you need to poop." As if they didn't understand that these things take time and that it is important to find exactly the right the spot.

In the morning, they take turns taking care of me, and then they leave each other coded notes like the one above, which means:

Amelia peed (#1) and pooped (#2), which equals 3, and she ate (8) her breakfast.
Taco ate (8).

They don't ever tell Taco to do her job because Taco does her job whenever she wants in a box in the powder room. I envy Taco's freedom. It must be nice to be above all bossing around. That said, I know that going to the potty outside is way better than using a box inside. Sure on cold, rainy days, it'd be nice to stay in the warm, dry house, but Taco never gets to feel the breeze on her bum. Poor sister-cat.

Anyway, as I said, they're obsessed with making sure they know if I did my job. Sometimes, when we're away from home, it's hard for me to find the right spot and feel comfortable, and this stresses my people out a lot. The first time they ever took me on vacation, I refused to pee for over 24 hours, and on the ride home, they literally stopped at every single exit off the highway from Freeport, Maine, to Lowell, Massachusetts, trying to get me to pee. I never did. I preferred to wait until we got home.

I've gotten better since then--that was five years ago after all!--and I think our trip will be fine in this regard. For me, anyway, because as we've previously established, I go outside. 

What Diane's worried about now is her own potty issues. You see, the Big Rolling Crate (BRC) isn't like an RV. There's no plumbing. 

The other day Diane and Todd came home with the emergency toilet solution: A toilet seat that snaps onto a 5-gallon bucket. The people are going to have very cat-like toilet habits, it seems, on this grand adventure. 

From the look on Diane's face when Todd snapped the seat onto a bucket, you'd think she'd just stepped in poo, and not that Todd was proposing a place to go #2. She studied the bucket-toilet and said, "I think I'll just maybe be dehydrated a lot and not eat much."

Todd assured her it's only for emergency because most of the time there'll be Walmarts and truck stops and fast food restaurants and camp grounds and, of course, the woods. Personally, I think the woods are the best toilet, so I'm not sure why Diane makes that face every time Todd mentions it. 

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